i'm so sleepy!

man i am tired! eric and me went to Knotts Berry Farm today, it was alot of fun, but it was super hot outside. it was like 90 degrees and burning up. we got on some water rides to cool off, unfortunately eric DID NOT get even the tiniest bit wet, but luckily, all the water just seemed to fly in my direction. i got soaked, so it cooled me off for a while. we got into an argument on the way to Knotts. i asked him to pay for my ticket into Knotts and he didn't want to! he was being super stingy and i had no idea why so i asked him why he was being so greedy and he got really mad and starting yelling and told me to just drop it and forget about it. but i got pissed cuz he was yelling at me so i told him i was NOT going to drop it and i'd talk about it as much as i wanted! then he got REALLY mad that i got smart and was talking about turning around and going home and i was like whatever u don't have to go home...so he kept going. i just stayed quiet, i didn't even want to TALK to him after he acted like such a miser with his money. i was going to just buy my own ticket in but when we got there he tried to apologize and be all nice, and said he would "buy my ticket and my food and any candy or desserts i wanted". LOL! i dunno what made him change his mind. i told him "no u don't have to i'll pay for myself" (just to make him say no he would pay lol) and of course he said just that: "no, i'll pay don't worry i'll pay." i knew he would change his mind, he always does! i dunno what is up with guys...they are so weird sometimes. well i am really tired from being out in the sun all day so i'm going to get off here...

Sad...

awww i'm sad. eric and i just had a fight. he is mad becuz i punched him in the stomach...i didn't mean to hit him so hard!! i was just messing around and don't know my own strength i guess lol. oopsie! well i went to school today, the school is so overcrowded...i think everyone that thought they would avoid the big crowds of the main campus came here, and now there are big crowds on the smaller campus! dumb, huh? and it was filthy hot today too...so that made it worse. i got into all my classes...so thats good

i can't stand stupid ppl...

ok i don't get ppl online sometimes. why do they take it so serious and get all bent out of shape over little things??? its beyond me. my online buddy of like 3 years started talking crap to me because i asked her if she was talking crap about Isabel (who is my REAL friend that i have known for 3 years IN PERSON). Isabel is pregnant and her and Jen started chatting thru some AOL group i asked them to join. but jen started tlaking about Isabel being preg, like calling her cow and hippo and elephant cuz shes big. well DUH shes pregnant! and since Isabel is my REAL friend i decided to ask Jen why she said those things. instead of denying or confirming it, though, her and her bf (who had nothing to do with the situation at all) decided to tell me pretty much to mind my own business and stop sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, and not to ask questions that have nothing to do with me. so i told them to go jump in a lake! i mean i just ASKED if she said those things. i didn't even say that she DID say them. i don't like being told what to do, especially by someone else's bf! thats just retarded. it had nothing to do with him at all, and it pissed me off that she would even let her bf sit there and talk crap to me, and call me a gossip and call my nosy and whatever the hell else he said. now she is trying to talk to Isabel again like nothing ever happened...LOL! oh well, Isabel i know in person and is a real friend, Jen is just someone i've talked to online for a while...if she decides to apologize for acting like a nutcase, then thats cool, but if not, thats cool too. i was always nice to her and she just kinda ruined it by letting jarod talk crap to me and act like i did something wrong. i'm not the one calling pregnant girls "cow" and "hippo" just to make them feel bad! ne ways, on a good note, last night eric and i went to the movies. we saw The Manchurian Candidate. that movie is SO GOOD! Denzel makes some of the best movies. that movie had some crazy conspiracy thing going on...it was actually kinda sad in a way, they made Denzel look kinda like a psycho lol. there are a bunch of movies coming out soon that i wanna see, too. Resident Evil Apocolypse comes out this month, yay! and Oceans 12 comes out in December. thats so cool that they made a part two to that movie, and it even has the same actors (well most of the important ones at least). i LOVED Oceans 11!! so i can't wait til that comes out. well i guess thats about all...my dad has someone coming to look at the house soon so i gotta get eric up and outta bed so they can look at our room.

he thinks he knows everything...

why is it that eric thinks he knows everything about everything?? he is supposed to be doing that real estate deal with his stupid friend james. they get a loan for a house, james dad builds the house, eric and james sell real estate agent sells the house, eric and james share the profit of the sell of the house. sounds great, right...but i keep asking him if no one BUYS the house that james dad builds for them, then who is going to make the house payments on it?? he keeps saying that "they are dealing with james dad, not some bum off the street. they are not going to do anything to jeapordize their credit and screw them over. someone WILL buy the house for sure, it sells like crazy there". ok. so these ppl know what they are doing, but there IS a chance that no one will buy the house RIGHT AWAY. so if that happens, i want to know who will make the house payments! who is going to pay back that loan if NO ONE buys the house?? they will have to forclose on it if they can't make the payments (which neither of them will be able to) and once they have a forclosed home on their credit score, they will never be able to get anything on credit (or at least not for a very long time). and since we are married, that screws me over too! he never thinks ahead. he just goes with the flow and believes whatever anyone tells him. sometimes he is so naive, it makes me sick. he listens to everyone else like they are BUDDHA or something and know all and whenever i tell him something, its like i'm just some moron who knows nothing about the world or about life or about anything at all. i dunno why he never listens to me. i just hope he doesn't get himself in over his head with this thing and screw us both in the end. i don't want my credit screwed for him and his idiot friend's mistakes. sometimes eric makes me so mad! i am his wife, but he always takes everyone else's side on everything. oh well. on a good note, i did buy most of my school supplies today. i just need to get a book bag now for all my crap. i hope my books aren't over $100...i don't think they will be, but you never know with college books. well not much else to talk about so i'm just gonna get off here and go to bed. its already 1:30.

theres not much going on today...i'm really bored its getting late...

sorry, its lyrics from an Avril Lavigne song thats stuck in my head! but there really isn't much going on today since my check won't come til tomorrow or Tuesday! this weekend has been super boring and i have been super lazy. there aren't even any good movies coming on today. i wish there were! maybe i will watch a dvd or something...oooh speaking of dvs's The Passion comes out on Tuesday. i am SO gonna buy that dvd. that movie made me cry buckets of tears, i simply MUST own it. i'm also gonna try to get my school shopping (i'm so late doing it) outta the way too since school starts on Thursday. i want to get at least 2 new outfits now, and get some more this weekend when eric gets paid ;). i have to use most of the money for books! ugh college books are so expensive! ne ways like i said not much going on today, i haven't heard from maggie in like a week so i better call or text message her and make sure she is still alive!

so much better

i feel alot better today. i dunno why i was feeling so down and out of it the past few days...but i feel ok now. i know that even if they don't always say it, my family does appreciate me...maybe the things i do go overlooked but i know they love me. my husband too...he is sweet and he is a GUY, what can i expect? they always do and say stupid things anyway. i cannot wait til next Thursday, school is starting FINALLY! i am so excited. i'm gonna study so hard and pass all these classes with a B or better. there i said it, so now i have to do it! wish me luck. so i gotta enjoy these last few days i have study free...well not much else going on today. i might go to Universal Studios next weekend since Eric gets paid. he said he would take me since i have never been (thats him being sweet again!) that should be fun.

Take Me Away...

i sometimes wonder about my life...how is it that good things rarely happen to me? and if they do, or i'm happy, theres always something to bring me down. i am so tired of being so nice and being such a good person and a good wife and no one appreciates it. i'm tired of feeling like no one cares about me. i try so hard to make everyone else happy, no one ever really stops to ask me if I am happy. my husband is always talking about how much he "loves me" but his friends always seem to be more important to him than me. he was talking about all the things he is going to do with me when he gets money from this real estate deal he is doing with his friend james, and then all of a sudden james is going on a cruise with us. and i was like "wait no i don't want to take a cruise with james. why does he have to come?" and he is telling me its cuz james is the one hooking him up with this deal. and i told him i don't care we had been talking forever about how much we want to take a cruise, and that i am NOT going anywhere with james for more than a day or two, thats out. so he says "fine we will take the cruise without james and me and james will go somewhere else." its like why does he ALWAYS have to do things with james?? i HATE him. i seriously do. i would not care if he got hit by a bus. i would feel for his family losing their son/brother, but thats about it. i cannot stand him. he is an idiot, a loser, he has no goals, and he uses my husband, manipulates him and eric can't even see it. i asked him why he insists on spending SO MUCH time with him. he is married now and an adult and has responsibility. when ppl get older they usually get their own lives and kinda limit the time they spend with their friends, especially when you get married. if he wants to use the excuse that he is still young, then well he shouldn't have asked me when we were so young. his friends are such an important part of his life, i wish the things i wanted and the things i ask of him were as important as the things they want and ask of him. i hate feeling second. and if that wasn't bad enough, now that my parents are getting divorced my "dad" (stepdad really, never knew my real dad) will hardly talk to me. he takes my bro and sis out all the time. takes them to lunch, movies, shopping, whatever. he never asks me if i want to go anywhere with him anymore. he never offers to take me shopping. i'm an adult, yea, but he was always treating me like i was his since i was 3. so why is it different now? now he barely talks to me and when i say hi to him he just kinda looks at me, then says "hi" in this gruff voice like he doesn't really WANT to say it. he never hugs me anymore. he just treats me like crap, yelling and screaming at me like he used to before i moved and i am SO sick of it. why doesn't anyone ever treat me like how i treat them? i dunno i just don't think i wanna try anymore. i think maybe from now on i am just going to live for myself. i'm special. i'm a nice person and all i ever think about is everyone else before myself. i think the only one who really appreciates it is my mother. but thats becuz she is exactly the same way. i don't know what else to do except just think of myself and stop trying to please everyone else becuz no one ever thinks about making me happy, well not really. there are always more important things than asking me about how MY life is or wanting me to be happy.

Hmmm...

today was SO boring. i was supposed to go to the mall with my mom, but i'm kinda glad i didn't cuz i'm broke until Monday and i hate going to the mall with little or no cash! it sucks cuz i always see something i want and i can't get it. so i ended up doing nothing today. eric got off work early and said he was going to James (ugh i hate him) house to watch the dvd's they bought in Long Beach, but i could have sworn that James didn't have a dvd player...but now all of a sudden he tells me that Albert stopped by and GAVE James a dvd player. i was like ok wtf would Albert (their other "friend" who has not spoken to them in months) just go to James house outta the blue and give him a dvd player? he said he didn't know but i was like whatever it sounded like a damn lie to me, and it probably was. they are probably going to someone else's house. eric has a habit of lying when it would be so much easier for him to just tell the truth so now its hard for me to believe the things he says. so who knows where he goes when he doesn't take me along. i can't always sit at home worrying about it, can i? it bugs me, cuz i HATE James and i don't think he is too fond of me either. i'm sure he'd like nothing better than for me and eric to split up, so i don't trust him around eric. but whatever i'm not his mother just his wife and i won't try to tell him who to be friends with. if he likes being friends with weirdos then more power to him. i don't like it but i won't try to run his life. its just always in the back of my mind if he still calls Maritza even though he SAYS he doesn't...i always wonder and wonder if he ever talks to her when he is with his friends since he can't talk to her here...he says he doesn't but like i said he has a habit of lying sometimes. well i dunno i guess i will just have to see what time he gets home to try and determine where exactly he was. i guess i'll write more about my strange paranoia tomorrow.

back

well i'm back from my weekend in Long Beach. James ruined Friday night by taking forever to get here and so we ended up getting to Long Beach late. i was sooo mad. i didn't even get to go to a club at all. which sucked. and Maggie was kinda upset too cuz James was acting like a total jerk and she bought a new outfit and stuff we ended up just going out and getting a couple of drinks cuz it was already too late to get into a club (it was 1 a.m. and clubs close down at 2). but i did get to meet that asian guy from the BEP and he is so cute! he even kissed me on the cheek (TWICE!!) i took a pic with him too. he was really nice, he just went into the breaking event and watched the battles like everyone else, he didn't have tons of bodygaurds around and act all snobby either. he was really cool and nice about autographs and pictures and stuff. not too many ppl went up to him, though. most of the ppl there are into more underground hip hop instead of commercial rappers, but i still think the BEP are cool! well i probably won't be doing much today since eric has to work...maybe i will go to the library and get some books to read. i can't believe school starts in 2 weeks, agh! i'm so excited! oh and for anyone that decides to promote a community in my journal...skip it. i am NOT joining any communities promoted by ppl i don't know. i am sick of joining communities where everyone wants everyone to be like them and ppl just say no to someone becuz they don't like the same things as them...its dumb. if your going to say no, say no for a reason, not just becuz you don't like the things that person likes. so no more of that, don't even waste your time cuz i WON'T JOIN!

tomorrow's the day!

well tomorrow is the day we go to Long Beach for the weekend, whoo hoo! and it turns out i will NOT miss the Black Eyed Peas. eric's friend is gonna drive himself, thank God. i hope i can actually SEE them and i'm not standing somewhere in the back! tomorrow night i guess we are all gonna go out clubbing and get messed up! i want to go to a club in Hollywood but eric's friend james insists that the clubs in Long Beach are happenin'. maggie says that they aren't, and she LIVES in Long Beach so i mean she would know, right? if those clubs are wack and we listen to james im gonna be so pissed cuz we could have saved all that time and just went to Hollywood. i'm gonna try to get a new clubbin' outfit tomorrow night, or i might just finally wear the skirt i got from Hollister, even though its a little short i think in a club it will be ok! i won't be back til Sunday, so i guess i'll write about what the weekend was like when i get back.

Ugh

today sucked! my neck hurts from working out, i dunno why! but its hurting pretty bad (yea, i went to the gym today. i've lost 3 pounds and still feelin' like a hippo!) takes time, i know...the place where i bought my car is totally trying to rip me off. they made me pay an extra $50 something for a "late fee" but my payment is only like 2 days late. they are so anal its getting on my nerves. they know i can't make my payments on saturday if i get PAID saturday, i can't mail it in time! and they refuse to change the days its due...but then get mad when the payment is late! its like HELLO are u retarded? are u get paid to be a moron? i hate these ppl and i can't wait til we finish paying this stupid car. i've been talking to my mom alot lately about my real dad and what he was like...i always wondered what my grandparents were like (they died a while back)and if i looked like either of them. i just want to know more about my background and stuff, cuz right now i don't know much. i am sick of ppl always trying to make me feel bad about being mixed. i can't help it. its how i was born and theres nothing i can do to change it. i don't mind it at all myself. i never wished i was full white or full black, i like being a little of both! its cool to me but i guess to some ppl, they think i need to "choose" what i want to be...well i can't, i am what i am and thats all i can be... all i know is my mom is half white nad half black, and so is my dad...i'd like to know more about him, but i have to find him first! and since my stepdad has been standing in the way of that in the past cuz i was too young to decide, i've decided to try and see him. i haven't seen him in 21 years but...oh well! and i found out today the Black Eyed Peas are definitely playing on Satuday, and since eric insists on driving his lazy ass friend to HIS grandpa's funeral, i'm gonna miss them!! its like why can't he just tell his friend to take his own car?? its like he's afraid to make him mad at him or something. we paid $54 for this event and i don't wanna miss a day of it to drive his friend all around. i mean its his family thing, his grandpa died, why doesn't he go to the funeral and be with his family? no, he'd rather have eric drive him there so he doesn't have to, then drive BACK to long beach and take him BACK home again. and instead of staying with his family he is more worried about being in Long Beach. he has SO much sympathy and compassion, huh? and eric is just falling for his little plan. he doesn't want to do all that driving, so he'll ask eric to do it knowing eric is such a pushover and will do ANYTHING his friends ask! it makes me mad cuz its like what i say about it doesn't even matter cuz his friend really needs him. even though I PAID $54 for those damn even tickets and I am going to miss a day of the event to drive his friend to a funeral. i told him i would rather us wait for his friend in Long Beach, but NOOOO it doesn't matter what i want cuz his best friend James needs him. whatever. i'm so sick of competing with his friends. i wish he would get some balls and JUST SAY NO. ne way i'm getting worked up about it so i'm gonna go now.

Ugh

today sucked! my neck hurts from working out, i dunno why! but its hurting pretty bad (yea, i went to the gym today. i've lost 3 pounds and still feelin' like a hippo!) takes time, i know...the place where i bought my car is totally trying to rip me off. they made me pay an extra $50 something for a "late fee" but my payment is only like 2 days late. they are so anal its getting on my nerves. they know i can't make my payments on saturday if i get PAID saturday, i can't mail it in time! and they refuse to change the days its due...but then get mad when the payment is late! its like HELLO are u retarded? are u get paid to be a moron? i hate these ppl and i can't wait til we finish paying this stupid car. i've been talking to my mom alot lately about my real dad and what he was like...i always wondered what my grandparents were like (they died a while back)and if i looked like either of them. i just want to know more about my background and stuff, cuz right now i don't know much. i am sick of ppl always trying to make me feel bad about being mixed. i can't help it. its how i was born and theres nothing i can do to change it. i don't mind it at all myself. i never wished i was full white or full black, i like being a little of both! its cool to me but i guess to some ppl, they think i need to "choose" what i want to be...well i can't, i am what i am and thats all i can be... all i know is my mom is half white nad half black, and so is my dad...i'd like to know more about him, but i have to find him first! and since my stepdad has been standing in the way of that in the past cuz i was too young to decide, i've decided to try and see him. i haven't seen him in 21 years but...oh well! and i found out today the Black Eyed Peas are definitely playing on Satuday, and since eric insists on driving his lazy ass friend to HIS grandpa's funeral, i'm gonna miss them!! its like why can't he just tell his friend to take his own car?? its like he's afraid to make him mad at him or something. we paid $54 for this event and i don't wanna miss a day of it to drive his friend all around. i mean its his family thing, his grandpa died, why doesn't he go to the funeral and be with his family? no, he'd rather have eric drive him there so he doesn't have to, then drive BACK to long beach and take him BACK home again. and instead of staying with his family he is more worried about being in Long Beach. he has SO much sympathy and compassion, huh? and eric is just falling for his little plan. he doesn't want to do all that driving, so he'll ask eric to do it knowing eric is such a pushover and will do ANYTHING his friends ask! it makes me mad cuz its like what i say about it doesn't even matter cuz his friend really needs him. even though I PAID $54 for those damn even tickets and I am going to miss a day of the event to drive his friend to a funeral. i told him i would rather us wait for his friend in Long Beach, but NOOOO it doesn't matter what i want cuz his best friend James needs him. whatever. i'm so sick of competing with his friends. i wish he would get some balls and JUST SAY NO. ne way i'm getting worked up about it so i'm gonna go now.

So tired..and sick

i am so tired right now. and i really feel kinda sick, but just felt like saying something in my journal. well today is my one year anniversary, whoo hoo! we made it through one whole year of marriage, and it was SO HARD. i hope it gets easier after this! but we didn't do anything becuz eric had to work and work late. so i just went out with Jazmin for a while after the football game was over (i can't believe the Packers lost! that sucks). we went to some place called Aculpulco. they were having happy hour and their drinks were really cheap. i only had a couple of margaritas, though. but they were so good! James called her while we were there, he's such an ass. he always hangs up on her when he finds out she's out somewhere rather than sitting home alone. its like he wants her to do nothing and gets mad when she goes out even though they aren't even together. he is a weirdo and i wouldn't even answer his calls ne more if i was her. he is too much drama. then we just talked and stuff about when we were in high school. then i came home. now here i am...doing nothing and being very sleepy. i worked on my website finally. i hadn't added anything in a while. so that was a good thing. well i guess thats about all i have to talk about for now so i'm gonna go to bed.

bad girl

i feel like such a bad girl today. i have no idea why. i've just been feeling like being a bitch for no reason. i haven't been very wifey-like to eric today. i've been more bitchy-like to him...but he has been nibbling me and stuff and he KNOWS i hate that. so i dunno hopefully this wears off tomorrow...well our car payment is a little behind...eric has NO CLUE and if i tell him he's gonna get so mad. so i'm just gonna quietly pay it and he will never know. those ppl are so annoying ne ways. they call like a million times a week even if i'm NOT behind and i'm just a day late. it sucks. i can't wait til we get a new car and stop dealing with these ppl. they are so anal about everything. i've been joining some of these communities on here to meet new ppl. i guess its cool, i mean...i don't understand how they do certain things, and how they choose who to accept and who NOT to accept, but everyone has their own style and taste and opinion, and now i get to add mine in there. i'm gonna try to be as nice as possible. but some of the others seem a lot less stressful and the ppl are so nice. i love meeting new girls, and have no problem admitting when someone is cute. i would never hate on someone just becuz they ARE cute, nor would i lie and tell someone they are cute when i don't really think they are. i hope thats a good quality that ppl in these communities will appreciate. i am still excited about going to long beach, i hope i get to see Maggie. i miss her lots, i haven't seen her since eric and i got back together. thats been at least 2 months! i'm so glad she and Clyde are calling it quits. he is a jerk and an asshole and she deserves so much better. she is pretty enough to get a guy that will appreciate her instead of take her for granted! so i hope next weekend she and i can get together while i'm in long beach...maybe go clubbing that night, whoo hoo! i love dancing. well ne ways i guess thats enough for now...more later.

Ugh!

well today i went to the gym again, thank God. there was no way i was going to miss another day! i love working out, it makes me feel good and i have lost so much weight it makes me feel even better! i can't wait until next weekend! eric and me are finally going out of town for a couple of days, AND i get to meet the Black Eyed Peas! i hope they perform Hey Mama...i've been noticing these communities on here are just like high school cliques. "oh shes not CUTE enough to join!" "oh shes TOO cute to join!" whats that all about? i thought it was all just for fun. i mean, i'll admit, that at first i was like "well i will try and get some better looking pics so THEN they will think i'm cute and want me to join!" but then i was like wth?? what am i trying to impress them for? i don't even KNOW these ppl and they don't know me. and if they are going to let my pictures keep them from getting to know me, then f*ck it. i won't join unless the people seem nice and genuine, and not totally hung up on appearance. there is more to a person than what they look like. i could be a really nice person inside and not be what you WANT me to look like outside, you know? thats why i never judge people. everyone has their qualities. so if they accept me, thats cool. if not, thats cool too. cuz i know that i'm beautiful inside AND out, and i'm NOT the only person that thinks so! ;) ne ways, school will be starting soon, i have got to go shopping and quick! before all the good stuff is gone. but i'm gonna wait til i go to L.A. next week, i bet i can find some good stuff out there. i love school shopping! maybe i will get Jazmin to go shopping with me...and have Maggie come down and make a day of it. sounds good! well i better go...eric is begging me to go to bed since i've been online for a WHOLE HOUR and its 1:23 a.m. so more later.

Bored...

today was so boring. there was nothing to do, especially since eric is working now. i went to the gym, as usual. i think i am slimming down, not losing much weight though cuz i'm gaining muscle. but thats ok. i'd rather have some muscle than be chubby like before. i can't wait until school starts. i've missed being in school! i love school shopping, for clothes, supplies, whatever! its great. other than that, i don't have much else to look forward to. my one year anniversary is Monday. i can't believe me and eric have been married one year. its hard to believe we even got through it. i really didn't think we were gonna make it. its still kinda hard to trust him...i am always expecting him to start talking to another girl behind my back and lie to me about it, or try to meet someone else...i hate feeling insecure about our relationship, but its hard after what he did. i'm hoping he learned from that mistake and doesn't do it again. cuz if he does, it seriously is OVER cuz i don't need that. but ne ways i guess thats all i have to say now. i guess more later.

Goin' to the beach

last night i saw The Village with my friend Jazmin. That movie is SO WACK. it had the worst plot and the worst ending...the whole thing was just retarded. DON'T see it. well afterwards we went to this little sushi bar and her ex was there and he bought us some drinks. i had like 7 drinks and i just downed them all so fast...he was acting like a jerk so i just wanted to get outta there. plus one of his friends was trying to "get to know me" if you know what i mean, and i was like sorry homie, i'm married! but he didn't seem to get it. so finally i was like "Jazmin, i have a headache and we were gonna leave and James (the ex) wanted to walk us out. so we left and some dudes in this SUV drive up and ask me and Jazmin if we like to party and i said no, but she was like yea and they gave her some fliers. James got really pissed and called Jazmin "scandalous" all cuz of some stupid fliers! i was like geez...i told Jazmin i think she should leave him alone, i mean they aren't even together and he gets mad cuz she shows up at a bar that he just happens to be at, and cuz she takes some fliers from some guys?? no, i don't think so. but we had fun. i came home and knocked out. i guess i was more drunk than i thought. i slept like a rock. today we are all going to the beach (me, my mom, my bro, my sis, and my husband) so it should be fun. well guess i'll stop writing now. more later.

Unhappy

well, today eric started his new job, whoo hoo! we found out he gets paid the day before we leave for Long Beach, so we will have an extra $400 on our trip, yay! i think he likes the job, its a little boring, but at least its a job, right? i will miss him being home with me all day, tho! well my dad came in today acting like a total jerk to me. he started screaming at me about some stupid sandwich he bought me that i didn't eat, and said i "better not ask him to buy me anything else ever." so i just said "ok, i won't ask you for anything else." like i asked him for things anyway. i am 22 years old, i have my own income, i don't need him buying things for me! so he left and then he came home screaming at me again about how i owe him $173 for my gym fees. i tried telling him that i paid my gym fees and that must be a mistake, but he just kept screaming at me and telling me i was calling him a liar and did i want to call the girl and ask her myself...then he started bringing up my cell phone bill and how he got that turned off...i dunno he is just really mean to me and i don't understand why. i didn't even do anything! and so later he came back and told me that i could give the money to my mom and that would be for groceries. but i told him that i alreadt gave her $200 and i don't have anymore money to give her. and he said "oh well." i know he does that just so he doesn't have to give my mom money for groceries, but its not my responsibility to give her money. this is his family and he is not even providing for them. i don't get him at all. i just know he better not ask me for anything, not to "borrow $10" or anything. i am sick of him treating me like crap.

Not Much Going On...

well, today i got paid, but my money is practically gone. dad is still not giving mom any money, so i gave her some today, then i had to pay all my stinkin' bills, so that left me with like $50 for the next 2 weeks. this is so hard, but thank GOD eric found a job. he got that data entry job and yea, its only minimum wage, but they said he types fast enough that he might get a raise in a month or two. but at least he found a job! i am so glad for him! cuz it sucks when i'm the only one that has money, cuz whenever we wanna do something i have to pay, and i have to pay our car payment too and all that...buth argh he IS my husband after all. sometimes ppl don't believe me when i say i'm married cuz i look so young (i am young! i'm only 22 sheesh). our one year anniversary is on August 16th. wowee! time sure flies when sh!t happens. ain't it the truth! so i guess for the next couple of weeks i am gonna get real familiar with my local library. yea, cuz dad also let the direct tv get turned off and he refuses to pay it. i will DIE if he lets the internet get turned off! but if he does let that happen, sh!t will hit the fan cuz there are 5 ppl in this house that use the computer besides him. its not our fault every bill is in his name. if he thinks we are gonna help pay for HIS bills he has another thing comin'. well i'm sleepy but gotta wait up for my little bro, he went to some party and won't be home til 2 a.m. so i'll try to stay awake til then. more tomorrow or whenever i feel like i got somethin' to say.

Sleepy

well here i am sitting up ALONE. i'm so sleepy but i am not gonna go to bed yet. eric went to take a typing test for this data entry job, i really hope he gets it!! it would be good for him to have a job so he wouldn't just be bored around the house, and have some money of his own to spend on himself! he has an interview tomorrow, i'm praying it goes well! i am gonna get my cell turned back on hopefully tomorrow, my BEST FRIEND maggie is letting me turn it on in her name til i can come up with $125 to get it turned on in my own name. she is SO SWEET not many friends even BEST FRIENDS would let you do that! she is super cool i love her! well things are better and kinda not better around here. my dad is still being stingy with all his money so we barely have groceries. and my mom doesn't get paid til NEXT MONTH so i gotta start helping out more and that doesn't leave me with much $$. but its ok, i don't mind as long as i have my cell back! life is HELL without it. well i'm really tired so i guess i'm gonna get going. later.

Ummm...

Well today was boring as usual, since I don't have any money yet. Eric and I are supposed to go to this out of town event in L.A. next month and we need to save some money for it. I really need to get my cell phone reconnected, but I guess that will have to wait for another month or so...but I really REALLY don't want to wait. I think I will just turn it on again this week. I hope Eric gets a job soon because its really hard paying for everything on my own! Well I have been working alot on my site lately and spending more and more time online. I guess thats a good thing, since I am updating more often. I really LOVE this Ashlee Simpson cd for some reason, I dunno what is so great about it, but it is!!!! Well more tomorrow I guess.

Hey!

Well so far the journal is looking how I want it to...sort of. Maybe I can try a few more things and really get it looking how i want it to look. Today is most likely going to be another boring day, since I'm broke. Last night we had the biggest scare of our lives...my brother got into a fight with some guys and decided to take my DADS GUN (which he stupidly left home and out in the open) to try and retaliate. We were so scared when we found the gun missing we had to call the police. Turns out he didn't take it after all, he hid it somewhere, but he WAS gonna take it! Now my mom is thinking about sending him to military school. I talked to him last night, I think he is gonna start acting right. If so, maybe I can talk my mom into not sending him away. We'll see. I'll write some more later.

Finally finished

well i finally finished this journal thing. i hope it comes out looking the way i want it to! lets hope it does so i don't have to come back and fix it over and over again!!