Take Me Away...

i sometimes wonder about my life...how is it that good things rarely happen to me? and if they do, or i'm happy, theres always something to bring me down. i am so tired of being so nice and being such a good person and a good wife and no one appreciates it. i'm tired of feeling like no one cares about me. i try so hard to make everyone else happy, no one ever really stops to ask me if I am happy. my husband is always talking about how much he "loves me" but his friends always seem to be more important to him than me. he was talking about all the things he is going to do with me when he gets money from this real estate deal he is doing with his friend james, and then all of a sudden james is going on a cruise with us. and i was like "wait no i don't want to take a cruise with james. why does he have to come?" and he is telling me its cuz james is the one hooking him up with this deal. and i told him i don't care we had been talking forever about how much we want to take a cruise, and that i am NOT going anywhere with james for more than a day or two, thats out. so he says "fine we will take the cruise without james and me and james will go somewhere else." its like why does he ALWAYS have to do things with james?? i HATE him. i seriously do. i would not care if he got hit by a bus. i would feel for his family losing their son/brother, but thats about it. i cannot stand him. he is an idiot, a loser, he has no goals, and he uses my husband, manipulates him and eric can't even see it. i asked him why he insists on spending SO MUCH time with him. he is married now and an adult and has responsibility. when ppl get older they usually get their own lives and kinda limit the time they spend with their friends, especially when you get married. if he wants to use the excuse that he is still young, then well he shouldn't have asked me when we were so young. his friends are such an important part of his life, i wish the things i wanted and the things i ask of him were as important as the things they want and ask of him. i hate feeling second. and if that wasn't bad enough, now that my parents are getting divorced my "dad" (stepdad really, never knew my real dad) will hardly talk to me. he takes my bro and sis out all the time. takes them to lunch, movies, shopping, whatever. he never asks me if i want to go anywhere with him anymore. he never offers to take me shopping. i'm an adult, yea, but he was always treating me like i was his since i was 3. so why is it different now? now he barely talks to me and when i say hi to him he just kinda looks at me, then says "hi" in this gruff voice like he doesn't really WANT to say it. he never hugs me anymore. he just treats me like crap, yelling and screaming at me like he used to before i moved and i am SO sick of it. why doesn't anyone ever treat me like how i treat them? i dunno i just don't think i wanna try anymore. i think maybe from now on i am just going to live for myself. i'm special. i'm a nice person and all i ever think about is everyone else before myself. i think the only one who really appreciates it is my mother. but thats becuz she is exactly the same way. i don't know what else to do except just think of myself and stop trying to please everyone else becuz no one ever thinks about making me happy, well not really. there are always more important things than asking me about how MY life is or wanting me to be happy.