i can't stand stupid ppl...

ok i don't get ppl online sometimes. why do they take it so serious and get all bent out of shape over little things??? its beyond me. my online buddy of like 3 years started talking crap to me because i asked her if she was talking crap about Isabel (who is my REAL friend that i have known for 3 years IN PERSON). Isabel is pregnant and her and Jen started chatting thru some AOL group i asked them to join. but jen started tlaking about Isabel being preg, like calling her cow and hippo and elephant cuz shes big. well DUH shes pregnant! and since Isabel is my REAL friend i decided to ask Jen why she said those things. instead of denying or confirming it, though, her and her bf (who had nothing to do with the situation at all) decided to tell me pretty much to mind my own business and stop sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, and not to ask questions that have nothing to do with me. so i told them to go jump in a lake! i mean i just ASKED if she said those things. i didn't even say that she DID say them. i don't like being told what to do, especially by someone else's bf! thats just retarded. it had nothing to do with him at all, and it pissed me off that she would even let her bf sit there and talk crap to me, and call me a gossip and call my nosy and whatever the hell else he said. now she is trying to talk to Isabel again like nothing ever happened...LOL! oh well, Isabel i know in person and is a real friend, Jen is just someone i've talked to online for a while...if she decides to apologize for acting like a nutcase, then thats cool, but if not, thats cool too. i was always nice to her and she just kinda ruined it by letting jarod talk crap to me and act like i did something wrong. i'm not the one calling pregnant girls "cow" and "hippo" just to make them feel bad! ne ways, on a good note, last night eric and i went to the movies. we saw The Manchurian Candidate. that movie is SO GOOD! Denzel makes some of the best movies. that movie had some crazy conspiracy thing going on...it was actually kinda sad in a way, they made Denzel look kinda like a psycho lol. there are a bunch of movies coming out soon that i wanna see, too. Resident Evil Apocolypse comes out this month, yay! and Oceans 12 comes out in December. thats so cool that they made a part two to that movie, and it even has the same actors (well most of the important ones at least). i LOVED Oceans 11!! so i can't wait til that comes out. well i guess thats about all...my dad has someone coming to look at the house soon so i gotta get eric up and outta bed so they can look at our room.

he thinks he knows everything...

why is it that eric thinks he knows everything about everything?? he is supposed to be doing that real estate deal with his stupid friend james. they get a loan for a house, james dad builds the house, eric and james sell real estate agent sells the house, eric and james share the profit of the sell of the house. sounds great, right...but i keep asking him if no one BUYS the house that james dad builds for them, then who is going to make the house payments on it?? he keeps saying that "they are dealing with james dad, not some bum off the street. they are not going to do anything to jeapordize their credit and screw them over. someone WILL buy the house for sure, it sells like crazy there". ok. so these ppl know what they are doing, but there IS a chance that no one will buy the house RIGHT AWAY. so if that happens, i want to know who will make the house payments! who is going to pay back that loan if NO ONE buys the house?? they will have to forclose on it if they can't make the payments (which neither of them will be able to) and once they have a forclosed home on their credit score, they will never be able to get anything on credit (or at least not for a very long time). and since we are married, that screws me over too! he never thinks ahead. he just goes with the flow and believes whatever anyone tells him. sometimes he is so naive, it makes me sick. he listens to everyone else like they are BUDDHA or something and know all and whenever i tell him something, its like i'm just some moron who knows nothing about the world or about life or about anything at all. i dunno why he never listens to me. i just hope he doesn't get himself in over his head with this thing and screw us both in the end. i don't want my credit screwed for him and his idiot friend's mistakes. sometimes eric makes me so mad! i am his wife, but he always takes everyone else's side on everything. oh well. on a good note, i did buy most of my school supplies today. i just need to get a book bag now for all my crap. i hope my books aren't over $100...i don't think they will be, but you never know with college books. well not much else to talk about so i'm just gonna get off here and go to bed. its already 1:30.

theres not much going on today...i'm really bored its getting late...

sorry, its lyrics from an Avril Lavigne song thats stuck in my head! but there really isn't much going on today since my check won't come til tomorrow or Tuesday! this weekend has been super boring and i have been super lazy. there aren't even any good movies coming on today. i wish there were! maybe i will watch a dvd or something...oooh speaking of dvs's The Passion comes out on Tuesday. i am SO gonna buy that dvd. that movie made me cry buckets of tears, i simply MUST own it. i'm also gonna try to get my school shopping (i'm so late doing it) outta the way too since school starts on Thursday. i want to get at least 2 new outfits now, and get some more this weekend when eric gets paid ;). i have to use most of the money for books! ugh college books are so expensive! ne ways like i said not much going on today, i haven't heard from maggie in like a week so i better call or text message her and make sure she is still alive!

so much better

i feel alot better today. i dunno why i was feeling so down and out of it the past few days...but i feel ok now. i know that even if they don't always say it, my family does appreciate me...maybe the things i do go overlooked but i know they love me. my husband too...he is sweet and he is a GUY, what can i expect? they always do and say stupid things anyway. i cannot wait til next Thursday, school is starting FINALLY! i am so excited. i'm gonna study so hard and pass all these classes with a B or better. there i said it, so now i have to do it! wish me luck. so i gotta enjoy these last few days i have study free...well not much else going on today. i might go to Universal Studios next weekend since Eric gets paid. he said he would take me since i have never been (thats him being sweet again!) that should be fun.

Take Me Away...

i sometimes wonder about my life...how is it that good things rarely happen to me? and if they do, or i'm happy, theres always something to bring me down. i am so tired of being so nice and being such a good person and a good wife and no one appreciates it. i'm tired of feeling like no one cares about me. i try so hard to make everyone else happy, no one ever really stops to ask me if I am happy. my husband is always talking about how much he "loves me" but his friends always seem to be more important to him than me. he was talking about all the things he is going to do with me when he gets money from this real estate deal he is doing with his friend james, and then all of a sudden james is going on a cruise with us. and i was like "wait no i don't want to take a cruise with james. why does he have to come?" and he is telling me its cuz james is the one hooking him up with this deal. and i told him i don't care we had been talking forever about how much we want to take a cruise, and that i am NOT going anywhere with james for more than a day or two, thats out. so he says "fine we will take the cruise without james and me and james will go somewhere else." its like why does he ALWAYS have to do things with james?? i HATE him. i seriously do. i would not care if he got hit by a bus. i would feel for his family losing their son/brother, but thats about it. i cannot stand him. he is an idiot, a loser, he has no goals, and he uses my husband, manipulates him and eric can't even see it. i asked him why he insists on spending SO MUCH time with him. he is married now and an adult and has responsibility. when ppl get older they usually get their own lives and kinda limit the time they spend with their friends, especially when you get married. if he wants to use the excuse that he is still young, then well he shouldn't have asked me when we were so young. his friends are such an important part of his life, i wish the things i wanted and the things i ask of him were as important as the things they want and ask of him. i hate feeling second. and if that wasn't bad enough, now that my parents are getting divorced my "dad" (stepdad really, never knew my real dad) will hardly talk to me. he takes my bro and sis out all the time. takes them to lunch, movies, shopping, whatever. he never asks me if i want to go anywhere with him anymore. he never offers to take me shopping. i'm an adult, yea, but he was always treating me like i was his since i was 3. so why is it different now? now he barely talks to me and when i say hi to him he just kinda looks at me, then says "hi" in this gruff voice like he doesn't really WANT to say it. he never hugs me anymore. he just treats me like crap, yelling and screaming at me like he used to before i moved and i am SO sick of it. why doesn't anyone ever treat me like how i treat them? i dunno i just don't think i wanna try anymore. i think maybe from now on i am just going to live for myself. i'm special. i'm a nice person and all i ever think about is everyone else before myself. i think the only one who really appreciates it is my mother. but thats becuz she is exactly the same way. i don't know what else to do except just think of myself and stop trying to please everyone else becuz no one ever thinks about making me happy, well not really. there are always more important things than asking me about how MY life is or wanting me to be happy.

Hmmm...

today was SO boring. i was supposed to go to the mall with my mom, but i'm kinda glad i didn't cuz i'm broke until Monday and i hate going to the mall with little or no cash! it sucks cuz i always see something i want and i can't get it. so i ended up doing nothing today. eric got off work early and said he was going to James (ugh i hate him) house to watch the dvd's they bought in Long Beach, but i could have sworn that James didn't have a dvd player...but now all of a sudden he tells me that Albert stopped by and GAVE James a dvd player. i was like ok wtf would Albert (their other "friend" who has not spoken to them in months) just go to James house outta the blue and give him a dvd player? he said he didn't know but i was like whatever it sounded like a damn lie to me, and it probably was. they are probably going to someone else's house. eric has a habit of lying when it would be so much easier for him to just tell the truth so now its hard for me to believe the things he says. so who knows where he goes when he doesn't take me along. i can't always sit at home worrying about it, can i? it bugs me, cuz i HATE James and i don't think he is too fond of me either. i'm sure he'd like nothing better than for me and eric to split up, so i don't trust him around eric. but whatever i'm not his mother just his wife and i won't try to tell him who to be friends with. if he likes being friends with weirdos then more power to him. i don't like it but i won't try to run his life. its just always in the back of my mind if he still calls Maritza even though he SAYS he doesn't...i always wonder and wonder if he ever talks to her when he is with his friends since he can't talk to her here...he says he doesn't but like i said he has a habit of lying sometimes. well i dunno i guess i will just have to see what time he gets home to try and determine where exactly he was. i guess i'll write more about my strange paranoia tomorrow.