*sigh*

well today is going to be a boring day, i can tell. i don't care if its labor day, there still isn't crap going on. plus i feel really sad...i think eric is going to get his cell turned back on. i hope he doesn't, though. i just don't think i could trust him and stay with him if he has it again. i always think about when i first found out he was talking to that girl...now i ALWAYS think that he is going to talk to her, and maybe he will. who knows? i just know things have been alot better since his cell has been off, and if he turns it back on, i'm always going to be wondering if he is calling her or texting her when i'm not around. i HATE that he did this, that he made me feel this way, all insecure and stupid over this whole mess. why would he WANT to talk to someone else? who knows? i just know i don't want to go through all the hurt i did before finding out he is talking to her. plus the girl is a total bitch, i tried talking to her and asking her to just back off and stop calling and she talked all kinds of crap to me, telling me eric doesn't really care about me, he's just using me and our marriage doesn't mean anything to him anyway...i HATE her! ugh! i can't stand girls like her, she thinks she knows him so much better than me because they were talking for a few months, which is so dumb! but i dunno if i will ever really be able to trust him again...i am trying but its really hard. i would never go behind his back and talk to another guy on the phone, late at night and sending text messages back and forth and try to HIDE it...i have nothing to hide and never have. but who knows? i dunno and i just don't even really wanna think about it. but its totally ruined my day now.